An Exercise in Forgiveness & Self-Love

I found myself living at the extremes

I was doing spiritual and emotional damage unconsciously

luckily Source spirit had an answer for me

one that i was not expecting in the least of course, how can these lessons be within our sight

too much control too much manipulation of my god like self, jeese, if only i could just relax and know that i am always taken care of my human form doesn’t really appreciate me doing that kind of thing

i forgive myself for trying SO HARD to make this thing called life work

I forgive myself for trying to control this whole thing without faith in god

i forgive myself for being so afraid of not being taken care, for fear of being judged to death, for being so afraid of making a mistake or that this way IS NOT the right way

i release control of that

i forgive myself for doing things to my daughter that i had no clue what the repercussions were and have been

i forgive myself for trying to change her and manipulate her into being something she isn’t

i forgive myself for not listening

i forgive myself for not hearing

i forgive myself for ignoring and spiritually bypassing everything including grief

i forgive myself for grieving and being sad

i forgive myself for being sad in front of mia

i forgive myself for not being perfect and messy

i forgive myself for being human and having human needs

i forgive myself for doing damage emotionally and physcially

i forgive myself for wanting to put my daughter in box

i forgive myself for wanting to change her and my spouse

i forgive myself for wanting to change them SO badly

i forgive myself for wanting to be right all the time

i forgive myself for being frustrated and mad and angry at what i cannot change

i forgive myself for hurting my mother in law and father in law unintentionally and my mother as well for being a brat and stomping my way through life for my own insecurities i forgive myself for wanting what i want SO badly at any cost to me and my family

i forgive myself for spending loads of money we did not have

i forgive myself for budgeting and doing and the money money money problems we’ve encountered from me recklessness and disempowerment

i love myself for taking care of my daughter everyday day in and day out while cj is at work

i love myself for feeding her foods that are for her highest and best at any time

i forgive myself for this whole thing this whole situation we’ve fallen in love with now

i forgive myself for not actively trying to be a mommy first and making mistakes along the way

and being a bad friend

i love myself for trying to fix my mentality and my self worth in the process

i love myself for trying again to make things better to be a better person for myself and my life for my highest and best

i forgive myself for pushing my way through life

i forgive myself for being needy and insecure

i forgive myself for being mean and hateful judgey and shameful

to myself and others i forgive myself for being a shitty friend to jeannie

i forgive myself for judging her relationship with coltie and what she was doing even though it was her best it was what she knew how to do with the tools she was given i am proud of her and love her so much as a mom and as a human and now as spirit

i forgive myself for not asking for help when i need it for fear of being hated

i forgive myself for not wanting it

i love myself for giving myself the time and space i need to recover from all of this

i love myself for forgiving myself

i love myself for starting over doing it again picking back up dusting myself off and giving it another go

i forgive myself for giving it a valiant effort for YEARS

i love myself for trying so hard at the same time

i love myself for asking for what i need

i love myself for doing

i love myself for not doing

i love me

i love myself i love myself i love myself

i forgive myself for expecting

i forgive i forgive i forgive i forgive myself

thank you sweet equinox for this seasons blessings.

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