What Does It Take to Break Cycles and Patterns?

Overcoming traumas and formulating our own awarenesses

I’m currently undergoing massive shifts in my own personal life.

As you know from my last few emails (get on the list here) and from my YouTube “Update” vlog and from my previous blogs (the one about realigning),

I stopped talking to my immediate family about 3 months ago.

Complete no contact. Nobody.

And what has been happening is a deep uncovering, healing and transformation from healing of traumas.

Overcoming emotional abuse and neglect.

I’m reprogramming old beliefs about myself and the world, that were SO deeply ingrained into me and now, I have fallen into Trust and Surrender once again.

I’m letting go of deep fears. What if I will never see them again? Who will love and support me? AM I EVER going to find my SOUL family? What does this mean for me and our little family? Will my daughter hate me? Or will she be able to forget?

Breaking myself open AGAIN. This is what that looks like right now:  “I NEED to open my heart in order to receive what I want. I NEED to be seen in who I AM in order to call in more of my tribe. I NEED to do this thing (which I’ll reveal soon) that will set my soul ON FIRE!!!”

And reconnecting the dots of my own soul and Spirit.

And in doing so, I’ve reclaimed most of my power back.

I’ve finally found boundaries that work for me.

I’ve found new ways to take care of myself.

I’ve found strength. Wisdom. And gentleness inside that I knew existed, but was covered up for fear of being seen. (The emotional neglect and abuse part.)

I was hiding underneath everyone else’s perceptions of me. Who I HAD to be in order to get my needs met for that amount of  time in my life.

Now, I see.

I see all the ways in which this conditioning has hurt me.

I see the ways in which my heart had to stay closed.

And in order to move forward, and really SERVE in the way I’ve been wanting,

I’ve  had to set MYSELF free!

And it took these 3 things to get there.

1) Worthiness– feeling worthy enough to receive the life I dreamed. A fun, easy going, emotionally intelligent, loving life. I had to BELIEVE with ALL of my being I was WORTH it. And I am.

2)Confidence– I had to stand STRONG in my convictions of worthiness even in the deepest darkest of times and in the thick of situations, I had to CONFIDENTLY stand up for what is TRUE for ME.

3)Self-Love– I’ve had to love ALL these unloved parts of myself. I’ve had to learn. I’ve had to SEE how my thoughts influence my reality and how I’ve played a part in EVERYTHING. I’ve had to love it. Thank it. And let it GROW. I felt WORTHY enough to do that. I felt WORTHY enough to deeply love and appreciate myself.

If I didn’t have these things, I wouldn’t have had the courage to give myself the type of FREEDOM I was looking for. The type of FEELING GOOD that I was WANTING for myself and what I wanted for us a family of three to experience on the DAILY!

And as long as I’m giving myself what I am worth, I’m GOOD. SO GOOD!!!!!!

Even in my own relationship with my husband, I can’t worry about making him happy. He has his own path to walk and if we can do it together AMAZING! STUPENDOUS!!! even.

But if I’m NOT giving myself what I am worth, then I know I will be in suffering.

I’ll fall out of alignment with my truest Self and that’s when life becomes HARD.

There multiple layers as to WHY I am so passionate about working with mothers but for the most part, it’s because I’ve been so disempowered and I have risen from the deepest of the deep, that I know what it feels like to find my own light without the love nor support of my very own family. And my mission is to reconnect us all back to that within our own conscious families. 

This has ALSO required me to let go of multiple roles and rules to life that I grew up knowing.

It was the type of program running in my head that  had me putting everyone else’s needs and wants before my own.

It was limiting behavior to keep me small and out of my own light.

Rules  like:

Like I HAD to sit still in my chair when eating

I COULDN’T let myself be silly with my child and LIKE it!

I couldn’t PLAY and be happy.

And I HAD to anticipate the needs of somebody else to make them happy (the trauma of abuse)

I HAD to walk on eggshells around everybody to ensure my physical and emotional safety

I HAD to do EVERYTHING right in order to be seen as a “good girl”! (even though there was no pleasing anybody)

But those rules no longer apply here!!!

That was  just what my brain was telling me.

I’m restructuring and reestablishing habits, emotion patterns and cycles that ACTUALLY serve me in my heart desires and moving forward into the light of my truth and SHOWING UP as my whole Self.

It’s not easy.

But I know anything is possible through Trust and Faith.

I am limitless!

And so are you.

You know, I ask myself everyday now “is this serving me? Or am I busy pleasing somebody else?”

We are hardwired  to please others. Especially as a baby.

We have to ensure our very survival.

So as an adult it can be hard to let go of those very things that kept us going and alive for all of those years, and behaviors, patterns and cycles that no longer SERVE us as we want to reconstruct and rebuild a life that we LIKE and FEELS GOOD to US!

It can be scary, hell even terrifying to establish these new ways of being.

But that’s what it’s all about.

That’s how we evolve. THAT’S how we grow.

“What do cycles and patterns look like within your family unit? How can we identify them to move forward and do the work to break them if they are no longer serving us?” You ask.

The perfect example of this is through the movie Coco.

Coco LOVES and wants to be a musician but his family has banned ANY type of music because of the relationship Coco’s great great grandfather and great great grandmother had together.

His great great grandma felt abandoned by her musician husband and when the truth was uncovered (spoiler alert) that he was murdered, they could move on and ALL live happily ever after

But UNTIL Coco came along, everyone was in the pattern and emotional cycles of NOT allowing music within the family, at the detriment of their growth as Coco came along.

We let so much of the past inform our future.

Please, let us ALL break free from that.

To learn about how we can work together on rebuilding,

or stepping into more of your own light for yourself and your conscious family, please see me here by scheduling a FREE connecting Zoom video meeting!

Or visit the YouTube Channel or learn more on the blog about how we can get started.

Subscribe to my email newsletter for weekly, up to date information.

Thank you so much for being here and seeing me through my own transformation.

I can’t wait to reveal more of how I’m moving forward into my light!

 

Further Surrendering & A Farewell?

Entering into my second mentorship I had a hard pill to swallow.

I was in the midst of creating a 3 month mentorship container and all of a sudden I stopped.

I paused.

I will never forget sitting back in my chair from tying on my laptop outside and feeling into this program.

It was HUGE.

Like way bigger than me.

I know the work I had done on myself up to that point always had been, but creating that offering felt MAJOR.

I HAD to BECOME something I wasn’t in order to hold an incredible healing space that I had in mind.

I just wasn’t there yet.

Who did I need to bring on to support me?

How do I become this person, this future self that can hold this kind of space and succeed at creating a really incredible thing?

Soon, I’d find the answers.

It was about February of 2018 at this point. I had completed my first mentorship, in limbo with where I was going because my first mentorship ended so abruptly, but I put my trust and faith into what was happening.

I knew whatever growth I was doing wasn’t over.

I kept feeling nudges and bumps to move up to North County but every attempt was thrwarted.

That’s when we started mapping out what it would take for us to move up to Oregon.

I leaned into Surrender and asked the Universe to help me.

I tried my best at remaining calm and focusing in on my family life.

BUT IT WAS HARD.

I hated living with my extended family.

It didn’t feel safe. I LOVED them. But something was scary.

We never saw eye to eye. I belittled for the way I was living and raising my family, it just didn’t feel right.

Nobody understood me, and the very thing I was healing from, was right in front of me, confronting me every step of the way.

My mother and I never had a healthy relationship. No boundaries, little respect, and it all made me very angry.

I NEEDED to get out of there, I NEEDED a way out.

My stress levels were high. I was working with energies that were bigger than me, I was pulling in everything around me, and felt so entrapped in everyone else’s fields (which I didn’t have words for then).

I was energetically drained.

We had little to no money and we were desperate for a better life. Especially after Cj’s sisters passing.

We just wanted to rebuild, move on, and move forward.

At this point, most of my healer friends were made online. I had little to no contact with anyone in the field other than online or within a healing group or circle. No really close ties. It was a very foreign thing for me to have that sort of relationship with someone in front of me in person.

 

The women who first validated these galactic energies I was working closely with had this amazing service at the time called an Art of Truth.

 

I had one made and it was an artists rendition of my soul’s essence. It is stunning.

It’s designed to keep me aligned to my higher purpose and meditate on when I need reminding of what I am doing and how I’m made to feel.

 

She created a Facebook group where all her Art of Truth customers could share their art, connect, and see who resonate closely with whom.

It was exciting, fun and the closest thing I had to “healer friends”.

 

Then one day browsing through the different pictures I was captivated by this other womans photo. Not JUST her Art of Truth but her face, body, and hands in her facebook photo.

 

She was a Shaman.

 

Her essence, her beauty and her strength felt SO familiar to me. As if I KNEW who she was. As if we played and hugged and laughed with each other before.

 

It was STRANGE. I had no idea what soul family was like until I saw this womans face.

 

So I contacted her, I told her about some of the things I had been experiencing and I trusted she had something to tell me.

 

And she did.

 

She taught me how to clear my energy, source myself from the earth to ground in all the loving divinity and be able to THRIVE within my own energy field.

 

And that began another mystery.

After I took a course with her, I stayed in contact and kept following along with what she was saying because it all felt so real and true.

 

She was helping me in the smallest, yet biggest way I couldn’t ever have imagined. And the magnitude is still unfolding.

 

Then all of a sudden I had another awakening.

 

From then on, I have committed to this lifestyle of being a healer. I could FINALLY claim it, OWN it, be SEEN in it.

The time and work I had with her, has been invaluable in so many ways that continue to unfold for me and my family.

But BOY has it made me POWERFUL in my own light!

Especially as I’m calling in my tribe.

If you haven’y yet seen the “Where Am I NOW?” YouTube Video, visit that here. DON’T forget to hit SUBSCRIBE!

I describe some of the ways we can be working together in the VERY near future.

I HIGHLY encourage you to jump on to my e-mail newsletters as I have NO idea where this blog and website are going.

I’m leaning into deep Surrender and trust as my domain and webhosting is coming to a close, and the nudge for me, right now, is to move onto something else for my webhosting needs.

I’m available on Pinterest if you’re looking for inspiration right along side me in your personal AND professional life.

If you’re EVER interested in connecting personally, PLEASE sign up for a FREE Zoom meeting with me here.

I LOVE hearing your stories, and LOVE connecting with those of you whom are on you path.

Lean in. Grow. Leap. Jump. FLY!

 

 

 

How Motherhood Healed Me

2 years of being a stay at home mom and I feel a deep shift occurring in the way we do life. And it’s such a shame as I just settled into Stay at home mommy-dom. Cherish it, it goes by fast!

I was ACTUALLY being ok with being a full time mommy.

Mia at 6 months old

I spent the first year of my child’s life completely bewildered honestly. Like what, in, the actual HELL is happening and WHY do I feel SO RESTLESS!

I had no clue.

Even though I CHOSE to stay at home with my daughter, and I LOVED being with her, there was so much existential pressure, and I had A LOT to learn about myself.

I felt SO much PRESSURE to deliver income from home when all I REALLY wanted to do was hold, cuddle and be with my baby but my radars were SCREAMING, “MAKE MONEY NOW!”.

I just couldn’t relax. As if I was doing something WRONG.

I also couldn’t figure out why my baby hated the car, she DID NOT like being in her baby swing or put down in ANY artificial mechanism for that matter and definitely DID NOT wanna leave my boob or the comfort of my arms at any time.


And that was ALL so intense and overwhelming as I did NOT grow up in a cuddly, snuggly household growing up and as an adult, I actually couldn’t stand being very close to anybody physically for long periods of time. Not even my husband then.

I LOVED her, don’t get me wrong, but I didn’t understand her. Or the way I wanted to BE a mother.

My IDEA of her, and who she actually WAS were SO different.
And I didn’t know it.

I didn’t even know HOW I wanted to mother her until we were forced out on our own, into a our own space, in this weird in-between space and things started getting crazy.

She taught me about me.

Mia at One Year

My baby FORCED me to understand her, and myself for that matter.

I couldn’t STAND another 3 hour tantrum before bedtime!

This is just who she is, they’d say.

And you could FEEL the color leave my face.

How could this BE!!!!!??
There HAS to be something WRONG with her.

I had to get bitch slapped in the face by a child occupational therapy evaluation that said everything was fine.

She was SMART. THE GIRL IS SMART.

Nothing wrong there.

SO WHY was my baby seemingly in horrific PAIN all of the time?! What’s WRONG with her?!

“Wait a minute, shit!” I remember saying to myself.

“I sound like MY MOTHER!” Gasp! “There’s something wrong with ME! NOOOO!” My world spiraled down. I wasn’t perfect.

And that’s where it all started.

My own healing. My own willingness to flip the script inside of my head of who I WANTED my child to be vs. who she actually is and loving ALL of her in that. But first it started with loving ME.


And it’s transformed me and it continues to transform me as a mother, wife, and as a friend.

I’ve HAD to look harder at myself if I wanted a healthy, loving relationship like I always dreamed of between me and my baby and if I wanted to cultivate and intimate, loving relationship with her throughout life.

I had to FIND myself in order to understand her and her needs.

I’ve had to OWN my gifts, OWN my power, and STEP IN SO far without a choice as I KNOW this all will help me help her.

Through my work I can help and facilitate healing for me and my family as there is still SO much I do not understand about my baby and myself for that matter.

But I’ve HAD to LOVE myself SO deeply before I could tend to her needs, and I had to LISTEN to myself and what she was saying to me through HER feelings.

I had to listen SO deeply in a way I never felt I could before because I was buried so deep in thoughts, my worries, my pains and my “perfection”.

The way she always smiled at her Tia Jeannie

I wasn’t hearing her correctly.

SHE was me.

It was me that was a mess all along.

Motherhood healed me. And I’m happy I listened.

I’m happy I’m still growing, and embracing all the imperfections along the way.

This is the messiest business I’ve ever been in. And I’m grateful for it.

It’s forever humbling, and sometimes very rewarding.

What are your feelings about Motherhood? How has motherhood shaped you?

Are you afraid of being a mother?

I’d love to know how you feel.

Please join me and other incredible mothers as we navigate this together.

Visit the Magic Mommies MeetUp page to learn more about these monthly MeetUps and how we can support you!

Hit SUBSCRIBE on the Youtube Channel for MORE up to date information and fun informational Spiritual Healing videos.

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Sat Nam.

Majesstik